Yesterday, I met with a fantastic group of business people for a coffee. This was the Northside Coffee Mornings weekly get-together. What started recently as a few followers on Twitter has resulted in a large social gathering of energized professionals from a wide range of backgrounds. I’ve been to many coffee meetings in my life, but this one taught me a critical lesson.
The pressure to dehumanize
As I surveyed the scene at the meeting, I noticed the way people were communicating, expressing, hearing, sharing, motivating and inspiring each other at the highest level. It had a profound effect on me.
These were not subscribers, followers, clicks or traffic. These were real people, connecting.
If ‘bigger numbers’ are your success measure i.e. more traffic, more followers, more sales – as the numbers grow there will be the increasing temptation to dehumanize your communication e.g. automate messages, bulk communicate responses and even ignore people altogether.
Your greatest advantage
These efficiencies may save you time and costs in the short-term, but stand to rob you of your greatest source of competitive advantage – your humanness.
To be human is to feel, touch, care, relate and reach out. Try automating that!
The decision to read your blog, buy your offerings and tell others about you is made by humans. And humans communicate with, and relate best to other humans, not machines.
The things that count most to us humans can never be automated:
- To feel empathy;
- To touch a heart;
- To care deeply;
- To hear – really hear;
- To respond and relate;
- To reach out – inspire and motivate.
No, these precious behaviors will never be voice-activated or menu-driven.
So as others become more robotic and volume-oriented in their approach, you have the opportunity to stand out from the crowd and become more humanistic. And when YOU connect with others and communicate your authenticity in a way that is valuable to them, you succeed at the highest level.
Your opinion is valued and will be responded to
- What are examples of dehumanized approaches to communication and relationship building that you have noticed?
- Where have you dehumanized things that could be re-humanized to offer superior value?
- How will you boost the humanity of your approach to even greater levels?
16 Responses to this post
October 16, 2009 at 8:58 pm |
Hi Robin,
Me again and again thank you for a great post. The learnings you share are so pertinent and real and I value your thoughts as they allow me to check that I’m following my intentions too.
Funnily enough, I have been thinking about Twitter a lot this week. I have found it to mostly be a “…dehumanized approach to communication and relationship building.” as you’ve said.
For example, while I don’t have many followers (and I’m not about the numbers) I do have over a hundred. At times where I have asked questions – not one person has responded or at the very most one and that would be from someone I know personally.
This leads me to three conclusions:
1. My questions are just boring (I hold that as a possibility).
2. People (well the crowd I’m in) are more interested in the numbers and in punting their own stuff than actually interacting with others.
3. I’ve somehow got a bunch of people following me who aren’t really that interested or who just don’t have time to respond.
While Twitter is great for sharing good quality information quickly I’m questioning its value as a relationship building tool.
What are your thoughts?
Always good connecting with you,
Marilyn
October 18, 2009 at 8:03 pm |
Hi Marilyn,
Thank-you for your generous comment. I really value your support and feedback. Regarding Twitter as a relationship-building tool, my experience is as follows:
a) I’m definitely using Twitter as a relationship-building tool, so your question is very relevant to me. I want to connect and relate to a limited number of great people;
b) I’ve only been using it for a few months and have made many mistakes, so I’m no expert;
c) only relatively recently has anyone been responding to my questions and comments. For a long time (3-4 months, I struggled to build any kind of dialogue). Most of my thoughts were completely ignored;
d) Things changed when I stopped treating Twitter as something different from any other form of communication. Initially, I was intimidated by it and it hampered my usual ‘Robin Dickinson’ style of communication.
How I use it now is much more in keeping with my normal style of communication – challenging, passionate, encouraging and lifting.
This has allowed ‘the real me’ to shine through more authentically, and in turn, this has helped me connect with others. That’s how you and I met!
I’ve now met a wonderful group of people through Twitter and look forward to building relationships with them and meeting many more.
I’m not sure if any of this helps you Marilyn, but the very fact that you and I connected via Twitter is enough for me to say keep doing whatever it is you are doing.
Be brave. Be true to yourself. Connect on Twitter the way you would in any other medium. Give it a bit of time and I think some amazing things will happen.
Best to you, Robin
October 16, 2009 at 9:13 pm |
Re Twitter – I think there is a huge wake up call when you realise that there are actually real people out there reading your tweets and responding to them. It comes as a shock and I’ve met several people via Twitter. Not my intention but it’s led to good things and introductions with some cool and diverse people.
To answer your question: What are examples of dehumanized approaches to communication and relationship building that you have noticed?
It’s so annoying to be followed by robots who you realise have followed you because they are programmed to follow anyone who tweets a certain word. In my early Twitter days I advised one fellow Twitterer to stop tweeting 10 times in a row and eventually he DMed me, apologised, and explained it was all automated. Another wake up call:)Automated? What’s the point in that?
And those “Thanks for following me I look forward to connecting” messages are annoying now too… they end up straight in the bin. I always @ someone who looks interesting and say I like this that or the other.
But that’s it, just little old me tweeting my ups and downs and trying to raise a smile where I can. There are a lot of genuine people out there and it’s great to be able to connect with them in this way so overall I can’t complain and am definitely a Twitter touter!
October 18, 2009 at 8:20 pm |
Hi Annabel,
You use Twitter really well – a great mix of connection with your blog, and connection with your life. I like that. It’s real and authentic. And there’s a consistency between your blog posts and your tweets that many others don’t seem to achieve.
Thanks for your generous input. I value it enormously.
Robin
October 16, 2009 at 10:31 pm |
Robin, Thank you for this post – the type I need from time to time to jolt me back to reality. I have a tendency to overemphasize social media communication. I’ve found that it’s healthier to view social media as a kind of “ice breaker”, rather than magic bullet for communication and relationship building. I have developed some great business relationships through social media, but in every case, it’s happened because of 1-1 meetings, conventions, and lengthy phone conversations, all coming as an outgrowth of blogging and Twittering or what have you.
I can relate to the problems and frustrations Annabel and Marilyn describe. It can be depressing to speak into a void or to be spoken to by robots. All I can say is, I’ve been doing this for several years and I’d put up with all the non-response and spam all over again if I could come out of it with my same small group of friends. In the real world, have to make hundreds of cold calls to wind up with one valued customer. You put up with a lot of discomfort and strained conversations along the way. In that respect, the real world and the digital world have a lot in common.
October 17, 2009 at 9:20 am |
@Brad you’ve raised some great points there, especially that we make hundreds of cold calls to get one valued customer – too true. That pretty much sums it up doesn’t it. I’m new at this and your insights after years of experience have helped. Thank you.
@Annabel I agree, the automated tweets and DMs are annoying. I think I need to clean up on my following list a bit. Thank you.
October 18, 2009 at 8:26 pm |
Thanks, Brad. I agree with you. Twitter is an excellent “ice breaker’ as you put it. A fast and efficient way to connect with others as the first possible step to a valuable relationship.
But as you say, if the relationship is to progress, it can’t just stay at the level of ‘tweet-to-tweet’. For the next step, I like skype, and if it’s possible, face-to-face.
Great to connect with you Brad, and I’m looking forward to our first skype conversation next week.
Best, Robin
October 17, 2009 at 12:22 am |
Great thing about twitter personally I look at it like a detailed phone book. Great way to see what really cool people are us to, learn and share, stay in touch etc.. I make an effort to only follow people I think r of value… I also don’t like the “thanks for the follow” msg…
In the online world its so easy to get into the habit of automating responses, Actually its kind of easy to do the same in the real world.
I try to humanize my approach by responding to each situation how I feel is required rather then respond based on past experiences. Each situation is different and because of that there is something new to learn and new to give each time.
Keep being awesome Robin.
Thanks for the post.
Selma.
October 18, 2009 at 8:29 pm |
Thanks, Selma. I’m mightily encouraged by your feedback. Yes, it is like a ‘detailed phone book’. That’s a great way of putting it.
There is a genuineness and personal touch throughout your communication that I really relate to. Thank-you.
Best to you, Robin
October 17, 2009 at 2:38 am |
hey Robin!!
such a thought-provoking topic.
really like the idea of coffee meetings with like-minded peeps. too bad i live on the southern tip of africa haha
man. more i think about it, more i see these distinctions of “humanness” and “devoid of humanness” as being self-imposed and generalised.
the more i think about it, the more it comes down to the person and not the medium.
most guys. not even just a few – the geeky warcraft cave dwelling leer chodes. naw. most guys are devoid of humanness in their real life interactions. they’re insincere and forced and generic and inexpressive. that’s the same thing. just because the person is standing in front of you doesn’t mean that the human element is there.
converseley; just because a person isn’t in front of you – on the internet – duddn’t mean there can’t be an element of humanity. it just depends on the way you express yourself and how much you’re trying to limit and protect your little ego.
hmmm
awwwsomeness.
really loving your site all round. really honest raw undiluted glorious content.
keep well and in touch mate
alex – unleash reality
October 18, 2009 at 8:35 pm |
Hey Alex, it wont be long before you get together with all your international Twitter buddies!
The world is getting smaller and smaller, and as they say, where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Great input into the conversation. Wise input. Sure, whether to project as a human or automaton is a personal choice irrespective of medium. Your examples are excellent.
Thanks for your input and support – it’s wild, original, honest and stimulating.
Shine on, Alex.
Robin
October 17, 2009 at 8:58 am |
Hi Robin
I agree with you on this. The default of shallow interactions is a grave danger. The length of the comments on this post show you have broken through this into something deeper.
best wishes for the weekend
Ben
PS Nice line art!
October 18, 2009 at 8:36 pm |
Thanks, Ben.
I appreciate your feedback – glad you liked the illo
Best, Robin
October 18, 2009 at 11:21 pm |
Hi Robin.
Human beings need to become more humanistic. It sounds weird but it’s absolutely true, above all regarding internet interaction. But there are some people that want to change this destructive trend.
Thanks Robin for the reminder.
Regards.
November 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm |
Thanks, David. Your approach is certainly one that builds humans in a very positive way. You’re a humanist through and through. Thank-you for your participation.
Best, Robin
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